Death and Hell

Was reading tonight on Facebook about a person who was explaining his fear of death making him so anxious that it was causing him to go in the hospital repeatedly and, in fact, almost died from an anxiety related heart condition.

I thought, “Hmm. I am so grateful that I am not AFRAID to die. I believe in the Resurrection. I trust God to do what is best for me. If I am destroyed, it is for my good and the good of the world. If I am fully healed, that is good too. All glory to God.” Not thoughts as consciously spelled out as I am writing this, but that is the general sense of my being as I was reading.

Anyway, I was scrolling through and saw the story about the ikon of the Theotokos in the ruined church in Russia that had begun streaming myrrh in February. Then, further scrolling down I was reading about people asking questions about the perception of the Theotokos between Western and Eastern practice and it finally clicked that the Immaculate Conception (that Mary was born without sin) does not exist in Eastern thought BECAUSE Orthodox do not believe in Original Sin.

I mean, if I am understanding correctly, Mary was given grace by God to bear God, but it is God who made it possible, not Mary. As it is God who makes all things possible in ALL of us.

Then, as part of the discussion regarding the Theotokos, someone asked in a group about babies ‘going to hell’ if they were not baptized (thinking back, that might have been what started the conversation about the Immaculate Conception which started this train of thought). Someone said, “Babies are not punished for Adam’s sin in Orthodox belief.”

So, what does that have to do with death and Hell?

I started thinking about the first guy and his fear of death. Then I started thinking about St. Augustine and wondering what he would think of how legalistically his words were taken to bring Hell to be so feared (which is precisely the OPPOSITE POINT of the Resurrection) instead of us embracing that Christ came to give us GOOD NEWS (the Gospel) that God desires that we LIVE!

So many of us spend our lives trying to avoid Hell that we end up LIVING there, in hopeless anxiety awaiting certain death.

We cannot be Resurrected without death.

But God is good and merciful and loves us. I think it is possible that Saint Augustine might have said something about Hell that he intended with the idea that our eyes are to focus on the glory of God, but somehow someone along the way who had lost focus upon the joy of the Lord missed that part and turned the West away from Heaven to focus on avoiding Hell.

Death is not the end. Even if Death IS the end, it is because God is God and THANK GOD, I am NOT. It is NOT my job to be God nor priest, nor anything but a servant, his handmaiden. What a relief!

That does not make me unequal. That is the world’s idea of humility. It means I belong to God! It means God created me for God’s purpose.

There is other stuff that has been going on too. A conversation took place a long time ago about a previous bishop explaining that the ‘higher’ the church office, the more of a servant (or slave).

Through church gossip, my husband was informed that the church’s newly minted Reader was complaining to other priests and Deacons that he was not receiving the ‘training’ he expected and that he was not being informed regarding some matters in the church because he is ‘only’ a reader.

I laughed because I am ‘only’ a Matushka and I take great joy in that. I am grateful my husband is ‘only’ a priest. I don’t want him to have any more responsibilities than he already has. I laughed to hear that someone is complaining he is ‘only‘ something. At the same time, he was complaining that he was unhappy that he was not getting other things he wanted (times to serve that were more convenient to him). But he was not telling the people who could help him, he was complaining to everyone else. Father took care of it (he said, I have no clue what he did) but I thought it was funny. I remember once thinking that it would be an honor. I told my confessor that now, the idea of my husband being laicized would be a relief. It is hard trying to teach without teaching, to make sure the church has what it needs, all the while being judged by everyone and knowing that no matter how much or how good you try to do it, it won’t be enough.

I do that to my husband too. I’m a parishioner. Tonight I asked him if he had prepared to serve tomorrow for the Annunciation. I had been looking forward to it.

I was disappointed and hurt when he had an attitude of, “Why would I do that?” After discussion, he explained to me what had changed and why he could NOT serve. I understood, but I needed him to understand that he had not let me know anything had changed. Not that he had the time to tell me, I was asleep when the information changed, then he had to go to his secular job, then he talked to his mom in the rehab center (her COVID19 test came back negative!), then he visited with his dad, then he stopped to have the car inspected for its sticker, then he picked up lunch for us, so it is reasonable he would have forgotten to tell me something had changed.

We never know what others are dealing with. It is humility to assume others are dealing with more than they share, but we NEED to share it with one another. If we don’t, then we do not learn humility because we only see ourselves. We do not need to know and carry all of our neighbor’s burdens, but we do need to know enough of what relates to us to be able to do our part to help carry the load.

Lord, have mercy on me, the sinner.